Growing up, I saw a lot of strong male professionals, including my dad who I love and respect for pursuing his vocation with passion. However, knowing our home life reality, I couldn’t help but think, “behind every strong man is an even stronger woman!” With you, Kathy, I know a different reality; my husband is my strongest supporter. I’m not in Ch 8 yet, but I’m grateful to have a real partner.

I also love that you were invited and said yes. After an amazing 17 years of training, I am grateful to be starting my first “real” job. It is scary. I have to trust that the process that helped me to get to this point (read, the support of many friends), will help me through all the transitions to come. I don’t feel ready, and yet today I was encouraged to consider whether we should submit a major project related to HHS’s $1 billion effort to improve health outcomes as part of the Affordable Care Act. My training doesn’t seem sufficient… it’s so hard to silence doubt.

What have others said “yes” to?

As for your comments about power, I agree. I think Sandberg gave me something to latch on to though when she spoke about needing more women leaders to improve the opportunities for women. Women need women with power to look out for them worldwide. I think this is a kindgom and gospel oriented hope to latch on to.

With Ms. Sandberg, I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to get to where I am vocationally, and with you, I recognize my place as one of tremendous privilege. In my best moments of humility (a right understanding of myself in my situation – gifts/experiences/weaknesses, etc), stepping forward/following through/leaning in has not felt ambitious but rather simply the right thing to do. And I can tell because it has felt like striving after right things, and not the wind.

Thus, I am ambitious (I have goals, mentors, a 3-5 year plan), but I hope those things always fit within a “thy Kingdom come, thy will be done” framework. At least in the academe, prestige and power can easily become false gods for women and men. Ms. Sandberg has not convinced me to pursue actions that lead to moving us around the country, though I’m only in Ch 3.

I expect that the people around me may not actually know what to think of me (ambitious or otherwise). My husband reminds me that I rarely talk about being a physician-researcher; naming my fields of palliative medicine and geriatrics are conversation stoppers without talking about research goals. I appreciate LL’s comments above and Sandberg’s quote: “I was raised to believe that girls could do anything boys could do and that all career paths were open to me.” p. 14 – because while this was absolutely my upbringing and a core belief, it’s a different message than what I hear from my church, an imperfect place that I choose to be and serve for different reasons.

In my all girls high school, we had a framed cross stitch that said, “Don’t tell your daughter to marry a doctor or lawyer, tell her to be one.” I was 100% raised to lead and be ambitious. It was the church and ministry that confused me on this point in my 20s, which is ridiculous because it came to a point where I thought, if I had any other job, I would not be satisfied with where I am. It would be ridiculous for all the investment that my parents and my educators made in me to just settle because it was ministry and I felt the pressure to be content. It’s still a muddled mess for me, but I’m becoming more comfortable with ambition and also with figuring out the language so that ambition is heard well. Part of what made me crawl away from ambition at my job was the way certain people looked when they talked about it. It was not attractive to me at all.

Thanks for writing this.

One should never have to betray oneself in order to gain the opportunity to be one’s self, but that’s exactly how it feels to me sometimes.