More Than Serving Tea



The Balancing Act

Hollywood isn’t real life, but when real life (mine and the lives of the actors) and Hollywood converge it is great fodder for thinking and conversation. Peter and I can’t stop talking about last night’s date night movie, “Up in the Air”, starring Vera Farmiga and George Clooney.

IMBD’s movie description: With a job that has him traveling around the country firing people, Ryan Bingham leads an empty life out of a suitcase, until his company does the unexpected: ground him.

My oversimplified movie description: Ryan Bingham has a midlife crisis.

But I’m not so focused on Ryan Bingham (that’s for another post). What I am still thinking about is how I was drawn to Alex Goran, played by real-life mom and wife Vera Farmiga. Alex is a strong, confident, beautiful, sexy (but not slutty, for the most part), successful, intelligent business woman whose opening exchange with Ryan had me and Peter talking about power dynamics into the wee hours of the morning. (Peter and I really are a fun couple.)

Women have a different balancing act than men, especially in the corporate world, in terms of how they communicate through their words, body language and even the way they dress and carry their sexuality. Times are changing, but Equal Pay Day, when women finally catch up to what men earned the year before still isn’t until April 10, 2010. We’ve come a long way, but it’s still not a level playing field, which is in part why the length of the skirt, firmness of the handshake and awareness of the hair flipping matters. You  may not agree with the rules, but there are rules. Changing them means knowing them first.

As a Christian woman who works in the tension of a management position in a Christian missions organization, my concerns and thoughts on “dressing for success” can either be dismissed as being superficial and too concerned with “the world” or hijacked by important and related conversations about women’s roles, marriage and parenting (and then get into the messier conversations about whether or not a mom should get a paycheck for her work, whether or not a woman can lead other men over the age of 18, whether or not women can be women without tempting men) while ignoring the obvious truths. God gave all of us, men and women, more than one sense in which we interact with the world and, therefore, people. Sight gives us literal lenses through which we make judgments and assumptions. Hearing allows us to interpret tone and volume and pace. Even smells, touch and taste play into the ways we interact with one another and how that affects success and effectiveness. Again, understanding and awareness is not the same as agreement with said rules.

Successful women are often portrayed in both Hollywood and real life as the “byatch”. The stereotypes are easy: successful women essentially act like men but happen to have breasts or they are women who have used their breasts to gain access. Even in scripture we have to wrestle and understand the cultural norms and stereotypes of women as we interact with Ruth and Naomi, Queen Esther and even Mary the mother of Jesus along with the unnamed sinful woman and the woman at the well. When Bible teachers and trainers are asked to teach on leadership, where do they turn? I turn to those women.

I digress.

The reality is a balancing act of trying to embrace our leadership, our femininity, our voice alone and alongside men. Personally I struggle and am confused when colleagues describe me as being “motherly” and describe other male colleagues as “pastoral”. I don’t want to be overly vain and concerned about my appearance but I’m not going to pretend that my appearance doesn’t matter to others or myself.

Which is why I found Alex as a character fascinating. Alex, from what little we know, is neither a man with breasts or a “byatch”. When the younger female character Natalie Keener, played by Anna Kendrick, is in crisis Alex listens and speaks frankly without cattiness. Alex is a woman who has, in some sense, arrived in the corporate world and in midlife, unlike the younger Natalie. Alex was a woman comfortable with her sexuality, success and choices and Natalie was still struggling to figure out what her choices would be, how she would view success and how her gender would play into those choices.

Twenty years ago I was Natalie, and I suspect I would not have resonated with the movie or the characters in the same way, which is why I say go watch “Up in the Air”. Hollywood gave me 109 minutes of entertainment and lots about reality – past, present and future – to think about.


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Comments

  1. * andybilhorn says:

    She was the most interesting character in the film – by far…even though Mr. Clooney continues to play himself (although this time he played himself who was from Wisconsin)

    The conversation that haunted me:

    Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.
    Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing…I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You’re a break from our normal lives. You’re a parenthesis.
    Ryan Bingham: I’m a parenthesis?

    This power dynamic that seems to be increasing in media presence (whether or not it’s real in the world is still to be seen) is one that I wonder what effect will have on the next generation.

    It’s interesting that in a global poll by Rueters that came out on the eve of International Women’s Day (http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6261ES20100307) that the strongest advocates of women in the home are those who are ages 18 to 34.

    I need help to understand that one.

    Like

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 6 months ago
  2. I saw it twice in the theaters, because I thought it was that interesting. Interesting characters and smart dialogue, I’m hooked. Let’s talk about it this week (in all our spare time!). 🙂

    Like

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 7 months ago
  3. * Emily says:

    Hi Kathy,

    Hope you don’t mind me messaging you here, but I’m a Medill Grad student working on a write-up about Angry Asian Man. I was wondering if I can have your two cents on him. I heard of you through Professor Youngman who mentioned that you followed Angry Asian Man. Hope to hear from you soon!

    Best,
    Emily

    Like

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 7 months ago


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